So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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