My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
