I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
