I only kidnapped one of them. chill
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
