Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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