ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
