I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
