drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
