don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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