I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
