sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
