I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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