Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
