I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
