Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
