I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
