Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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