ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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