Where did you get a picture of my penis
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
