I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
