Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Do vagina's smell?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
