Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
