I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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