They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
