i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
