Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I want her autograph on my taint
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
