The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
