i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
