The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
