About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
