There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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