Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
