my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
