you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
