i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
