i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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