she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
