we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
