i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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