nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Is it because I queefed?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
