Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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