Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
