just survived the first fart of the relationship.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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