i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
