Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
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