I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
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