Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
