Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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