sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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