But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
