It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
