i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
In other news, I just burned my penis
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
