there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
