My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
